Affection for Affliction.

I realize me and Lady Red Loves self Pain.

i say this with so much seriousness.

she told me she sometimes uses pain to shield her hunger.

i want tell her that i use it the shield my depression.

for some reason the feeling of a cold metal needle pressing upon my wrists feels so right.

i can see why we both are good for each other.

i started to do it when i was 16. a grim age when in high scheool i was dealing with alot of peer pressure,

not being able to make friends,i used it as therapy, even we i was actually seening a therapist.

then my parents realized it and taken all the needles away from me.

i still do it time to time, not as much caus of her. but there are times now since my parents divorce i have

relapse into doing it again.

I used it actually last night when my lady red scared me when she had an health scare.

she should be sleeping by the time i write this. 

But Since then we both talked about other things.

i have Not Told her this, but she will know soon.

ate light than usual.

she might be mad at me.

i hope she knows i tried. but i love her.

had only a small bowl of beef stir fry

(and when i say small i mean a size of a coffee cup)

and a glass of water.

been doing like my dad and eating gum as a food supplement due to money problems.

in any case


i have now been able to use piercings as an outlet to help sheild the addiction. my snakebites i adore, and so

does lady red.


with that in mind i will DEFINATLY keep them.

planning on getting many more, for myself and for her.

maybe even together.

Lady Red Got a tattoo today.

i love it and yet i want another like she does.

i find it wierd that i'm like this now.

haven't had sex in reality, but would like to.

want to have the feeling of her digging her nails in my back

and me holding her so tight she could barely breathe.

"make me suffocate" as she may say.

She loves the pain of hunger.

i love the pain regardless, even if it's for her.

gonna grab a safety pin to keep with for you know what.

 got class tomorrow.

maybe the blood will  mix with acrylic.

like a mosaic of suicide.

it's horrible, and yet i love it.

*KG*