Cleaning.

was feeling somewhat down for the past few days til today. various reasons:

1.) my situations in my classes are slipping and i'm afraid of what may happen to me on grades for my classes.

2.) the financial problems at home are building up and i'm sure if it will be possible to go to japan.

3.) as i had mentioned before, me and Lady Red are taking a "break" in our relationship to get our minds straight. it's harder on her due to the fact her on/off ex boyfriend is still trying to be connected to her.

im not going to lie, it's hard to not be loving, but it's for the best.

it will be wierd if we meet at ohayocon though, i just have to wait and see.

also got a call from my ex, who i will code named, "Medusa" in which she is still trying to pull me back to her like lady red's ex is. but i won't go back to Medusa.

i hate it. no lie.

but i have to resist temptation of Lady Red, despite I read the smut she made for me and visioning her when i'm in a pleasurable mood. I have to stop these urges.

it's what i NEED to do, Not Just For Her, BUT FOR ME.

but i know someway me and Lady red will return to our infatuation.

just have to be slow in it.

at first didn't want to go to ohayocon because of it, but i realized it would be stupid to not go because of a temporary hold on a relationship. and LADY RED Will NEVER forgive me for it.

had a SMALL suicide thought at first as well, but i also realize that i would be no different than some people who commit suicide cause of a breakup. and LADY RED would hate me forever for that.

so i will try to focus on my work and helping my family. and for the moment i will pray that an opportunity arises for me and Lady red to make our relationship rekindle again. i'm praying hard. 

and i know she is too.

gonna finish my composition work tonight. got lots of schoolwork to do before thanksgiving break.

*KG*