Monday, January 2, 2012


My lady is with her friends (and Semi ex) for the week or so i'm guessing.

she tells me it may not work.

i had to remind her that we never said it would be easy.

i left her a message, telling her that if i want it to work, then i will have to do the hard effort work then.

I dislike a little of the fact we don't talk as much often as we used to anymore due to her being busy, but i have to remember it is one of many obstacles i have to deal with in order for me to be with her in the future.

yes the future.

i truly believe there is a future for me and her.

i would not have had dreams about us together.

married, having children, living a peaceful life together.

i never had dreams of me and my last ex when we dated,

so this is new to me.

for some reason i'm cold right now.

really cold.

don't know if it's my condition or the weather.

either way i have to keep trying to win her over to keep my love in her heart.

i won't give up.

i have to prove it to her that it WILL work.

i just have to make the effort and be patient.

as long as she truly loves me so,

then i will not surrender.

no matter what troubles may come my way between us.

whether it be we barely talk or text cause she with friends, family or her semi-ex, or be it work, or even be it because of her health conditions.

after all i have done to help her.

her depression, her conditions, her feelings, EVERYTHING.

even if was by text, Online Chat, and Sometimes by phone or video chat,

we will have those conversations again.

i just need to be patient.

i know i can.

i just want her to tell me if she truly only loves me.

that's all i ask.

after all, we made this our mission for the new year.

that was our promise.

so no more of me being sad, or jealous.

i'm done with that.

i need to be strong for her.

so she can be strong for herself 

and for me.

to my lady, i love you. and i will be strong for you baby.

just be strong and keep your love for only me.

and wait for me.

cause it will be worth it.

i Promise.

Monday, December 26, 2011

i love it when my lady talks about wanting sex.

it makes me feel guilty for wanting it too. i think about having it with her alot. at times while either she is at work, or with her friends including her semi-ex bf. even thought we can’t validate ourselves officially a relationship, we still have sexual fantasies of each other. i am a little worried for new years, she says she is going out in a sexy new dress to dance and drink with friends, including her semi-ex. i have to trust her. hope she will save her New years kiss for only me. and hope that she will tell me she is only looking sexy for me. if that, then i will smile more and be happy more for her. i don’t talk about her in front of my family anymore, cause it seems some is doubting her. hopefully that will change. we were to meet in january, but instead we will try feburary.
fingers are crossed for her promise on new years.
fingers are crossed for hoping to see her in feburary or sooner.
i love her.


What she an i tell each other everyday.
What she an i tell each other everyday.


Weird Things About Me

1.) I like hentai at one point of girl on girl.
2.) I like a girl who likes rough sex/ dominant male.
3.) most of the food i like arrage from either the asian of italian heritage or both.
4.) I have brown hair that is fine straight.
5.) I have freckles on my nose on the same place as my father.
6.) I am more attracted to women of other races.
7.) I would give up my soul if it meant for me to save my cat.
8.) I like hello kitty
9.) I tend to rap about my insanity and write poetry about sex. 
10.) I play all games including World of Warcraft and Magic 
11.) most of the music i listen to is more rock and electronic than Rap
12.) since this year i have been in a distant semi relationship with a girl was the first time i have had sexual Phone and instant messages.


Saturday, December 17, 2011


my girlfriend had several panic attacks today at work.
had to calm her down.
she should be asleep by the time this is posted.
told her everything will be okay.
and it will.
i love her with all my heart.
i don’t look at her as someone who is insane.
i look at her as a woman who is a cup that is overflowing with too much troubles of the world.
i want to be close to her now.
hold her in my arms.
help her relax.
let her hear my calming heartbeat.
and tell her i love her to know she will live.
she has to.
for herself. 
not just for me.
she told me that her dad was the same as me when it came to dealing and helping
her with issues like this.
i told her i would have done the same thing.
i love her.
now and always.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Temporary Isolation.

"you'll only hurt the one divine if you don't let them have their time"

i hear the words inside my head but feel that sometimes those words are

dead but part of me surely knows that if i follow this rule the love

will grow but what if i had make a case? that results a strike to my

face the passion for her need to simmer down so or else i would not

always frown when she is nowhere to be seen the visons of her yellow

and green when she follows her own trail i must never follow her tail

only then will i realize she will open her heart again inside and the

love that was so reserved will be recieved or yet be re-earned.

by the time this is posted, i'll be back from napping.
pulled an all nigher last night due to class work.
lady red went to a party the same day.
i had got into "worry mode' again til i got her annoyed.
i feel horrible that i did that .
i don't want to be THAT GUY.
the one who is overprotecting her from having a life.
i'm not her parent. 
i'm her boyfriend.
she's asking today to give her another day of space.
maybe it does not help that i have to respond to her every-time she tweets or posts on Facebook and  they come to my phone.
i have to try. 
i can only pray she will still love me and understands that the night is what made me that way.
i hope she does.
i don't want to lose her.
everything else is falling apart in my life anyways.
my dad is being distant with the family since the divorce.
my mother is being to emotional.
my brother's job is getting tiring.
the bills keep pilling up.
my school classwork is getting borderline
and the last thing i need is to find out the one girl who loves me is upset with me for not trusting her that night.

I'm Sorry Lady Red. i truly am. and it won't happen again.
i hope she can hear me.
til then i'll wait for her response.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Her Lestat.

my eyes are crimson red 

as if the night was bloodshot dead
the hair upon my head less bright

 the vision seen upon the night 

the skin of mine is brownish stone 

to represent the strength i own 

the air i breathe is filled with souls 

the spirits that besets me so

 and even through this night i feel 

the graves around me standing still 

the mouth i have is filled with blood 

as red the moon shines above 

the pale skin that is in my arms 

will only be safe from more harm

and as her cold lips touches mine

the taste of her is like a wine

the fire that burns between us

 i fear for her is beyond lust.